essays

Putting two feet on the path into the new decade

It’s weird writing about yourself.

On the one hand, I feel as compelled to write about the fierce opposites in my life as I did about finding a way to live with them.

When your deepest desires contradict each other, life is confusing. When you want independence and community it’s hard to know how to behave with other people. When you want devotion and decadence you teeter between repression and rebellion. When you want acceptance and power, especially as a woman, it’s easy to get lost in the layers of the cultures you are part of – your work, your family, your friends, your religion. They may say opposite things about what you must and must not do.

Learning how to accept my complex, contradictory power was hard. It took decades. That’s why I have to tell the story of how I found my way. There’s a voice inside that says, “This writing is your work in the world. Keep going.”

Alongside that voice that tells me to keep going, there’s another voice. That voice says, “No one gives a f*$k about your life. Who do you think you are? You need to stop right now.”

That voice does not like to be ignored. Sometimes, when I’m sitting at my desk writing and it’s yelling in my ear, I find myself scrunching up my shoulders, trying to push it away. I might get up and walk around a bit, take a few deep breaths and sit down again. And then I keep going . . .

One of my BFFs pointed me to Lady Gaga’s recent interview on Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations. Stephani Germanotta has faced some massive obstacles. She said, “You know what Oprah, I just kept going.”

Here’s to persevering in 2020! I have no idea where I’m going or how long it will take to get there, but I will just keep going. I hope you’ll do the same.

Oh – one more thing! In October, I shared an excerpt from my essay Leaving the Bitch Behind. I wrote four completely different versions of this piece before settling on the final, which you can read here!

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About Lisa

Lisa Poulson is a voice in favor of the complex beauty of female power, the descendant of fiercely resilient Mormon pioneers and a woman who survived the death of her fiancé four months before their wedding. Lisa lives in San Francisco, where she spends her time absorbing and creating as much beauty as possible.

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Lisa Poulson is the legal copyright holder of this blog. Contents may not be used, reprinted, or published without written consent.

About Lisa

Lisa Poulson is a voice in favor of the complex beauty of female power, the descendant of fiercely resilient Mormon pioneers and a woman who survived the death of her fiancé four months before their wedding. Lisa lives in San Francisco, where she spends her time absorbing and creating as much beauty as possible.

Join the conversation on Instagram!

Reminder

You are reading of your own will and choice. How you read, act on or don’t act on what you read here is up to you.

Reassurance

While lisapoulson.com does use cookies, which helps us understand how you engage with our site and where you’re from, we do NOT save your personal information - like e-mail, name or address. And, if you join our mailing list or comment on a post, we will not share (or sell) your contact information. We are not responsible for commenters or other third parties here.

Clarity

Lisa Poulson is the legal copyright holder of this blog. Contents may not be used, reprinted, or published without written consent.