A voice in favor of the complex beauty of female power
It’s weird writing about yourself. On the one hand, I feel as compelled to write about the fierce opposites in my life as I did about finding a way to live with them.
When your deepest desires contradict each other, life is confusing.
The next morning, the barest hint of dawn through my uncovered windows wakes me. I smell the remnants of my Diptyque Pomander candle before I open my eyes. I turn my head toward the window and, drowsy and semi-conscious, am immersed in exquisite beauty.
Trying to build a career as a writer feels, at least to me, like climbing a mountain in dense fog.
How big is ‘I’m a writer’ mountain? How many miles do I have to climb before I can see the summit? How steep is the mountain? Are there places to stop and rest? Are there dangerous crevasses where I might fall and break my neck? Will there be trail signs to help me find my way? Will anyone else be on the trail so I don’t always have to climb alone? Will I ever attain the summit? And if I do, will it turn out that the summit is just the base of an even bigger mountain??
When I got my first job in public relations at 25, I was proud and terrified to be starting a real profession. I had come to New York City at 21 on a round trip plane ticket from Los Angeles that was my college graduation present.
I didn’t take the return flight.
When my voice teacher Whitney Nichole asked me to make a list of songs I was sure I could never sing, I gave her a list of raw blues vocals by Beth Hart and Ettta James and soul anthems by the great master Aretha Franklin – songs I knew I couldn’t access with my classically trained voice. Whitney’s immediate response was, “OK, choose one and let’s sing it.” Damn it. I walked right into that one.
“Wha??,” I said, stuttering. My whole spine, every organ in my body and even the hairs on my head were all screaming NO!
Ten years ago, when I was 45, I spent $40,000 in six months, and not to buy a car. I spent it on Italian clothes – Missoni, Etro, a sublime Dolce & Gabbana leopard pencil skirt. I acquired delicate Louboutins, dominatrix-y Viviers, swoon-worthy perfumes. My long, luxurious hair got highlighted and blown out regularly.
Lisa Poulson, a voice in favor of the complex beauty of female power, was once a tech industry badass, a grieving almost-widow and a faithful Mormon all at the same time. Now a writer in San Francisco, Lisa writes about grief, love and the complex beauty of female power.
You are reading of your own will and choice. How you read, act on or don’t act on what you read here is up to you.
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Lisa Poulson is the legal copyright holder of this blog. Contents may not be used, reprinted, or published without written consent.
Lisa Poulson is a voice in favor of the complex beauty of female power, the descendant of fiercely resilient Mormon pioneers and a woman who survived the death of her fiancé four months before their wedding. Lisa lives in San Francisco, where she spends her time absorbing and creating as much beauty as possible.
You are reading of your own will and choice. How you read, act on or don’t act on what you read here is up to you.
While lisapoulson.com does use cookies, which helps us understand how you engage with our site and where you’re from, we do NOT save your personal information - like e-mail, name or address. And, if you join our mailing list or comment on a post, we will not share (or sell) your contact information. We are not responsible for commenters or other third parties here.
Lisa Poulson is the legal copyright holder of this blog. Contents may not be used, reprinted, or published without written consent.